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Inside a fortified 16th Century Gothic mansion surrounded by hideous gargoyles and wax figures of Rosie O'Donell a tiny infant with webbed toes a superfluous third nipple and an unquenchable thirst to rule the world was spawned.
Like water in the toilet tank the days flowed by as the baby grew bigger, stronger and more malevolent then anything this dreary world had yet cast its eyes upon.
People around him begun to grow evil, selfish, greedy and hateful; just like in Ghost Busters 2 when Bill Murray discovers the "Ectoplasm river" in the sewers, beneath the city. This "energy" quickly manifested, making everything in it's path regulatory, censored, mainstream and family oriented. However, it wasn't until January 12, 1981 when the "horrid" and "un-human" acting of Linda Evans in the pilot episode of "Dynasty" caused a train crash in Toronto. Only 51 people died, but more was to follow, with only 1 year away from "Knight Rider" and Dick Clark tightening his iron grip on prime time television the world was no longer a safe place.
With evil at its peak in 1986, Satan crawled out of hells heart, spread his arse cheeks and out came Oprah. "Now, with "Wheel of Fortune", "Price is Right" and "The Oprah Winfrey Show" I have made day time Television stale, repetitive and virtually unbearable to watch." Said Satan while Ronald Regan played with his balls, Vanilla Ice and McHammer spit cum bubbles into each others mouths and Rupert Murdoch rubbed his nipples while molesting a preteen quadriplegic Vietnamese war orphan with down syndrome.
Sad is the fate of man, when "Full House" is picked up for yet another season while Bill Hicks dies in '94 from pancreatic cancer.
How does it all end?
To be continued...